Tuesday, December 11, 2007

WE Relationships - Do What I Say!

by Niama Sandy

Taking instruction is one of the things that is paramount throughout our education process- from primary school to the university level. So why is that it's oh so difficult for so many people to do it in the bedroom?

I don't know how many times friends have recounted incidents of sad encounters to me. For instance, years ago, one of my male friends - bless his little Bajan heart - told me of an experience in which he repeatedly made a woman think someone was walking into the room that they were having sex in - thus making her rise and fall as opposed to the rocking action that she was engaging in. It may sound like a mamaguy based on the amount of gall and interest in exhibitionism required for such an act – a. Considering that this was a semi-public space that someone could have walked into and b. Visualizing the possibility that she didn't figure out what he was making her do - but my friend is a bold sort of fella so it's actually pretty reasonable for him.

At least the woman in our last example could take instruction (however underhanded the manner in which they were given), some people just can't follow directions. According to several reports, for some reason many men seem to think nipples are like thumbs and lollipops and can just be sucked accordingly. As a public service announcement to the world's men from all the world's women: they are delicate, sensitive appendages; please treat them as such! There is a human being on the other side of that breast and I hate to break it to you but she may not be enjoying what you're doing.

All comedy aside, is it that people really think that what they've done with one partner will work for every person that they ever encounter? That is utter nonsense. It is a given that in the beginning of any relationship you get to know your partner. That "getting-to-know-you" process should extend to getting to know what does or does not physically gratify this person. If you're letting someone into that part of your space why not take the time to turn and ask two simple questions: what do you like? and how do you like it? If you don't ask it could mean sentencing yourself to an indefinite period of protracted sessions (not in the good sense), faked noises and, worse yet, " what the hell are you doing?" facial expressions and if the person is bold or annoyed enough they might just ask you.

So now for this month's rules:
1. Be Gentle in giving your directions. Try your best not to make your partner feel as though they are inept. Make sure that they understand that you are enjoying being with them but that you could possibly enjoy it a bit more if they tried it a different way.
2. Be Open to trying new things. Push the envelope a little, make your relationship interesting and take a step into the unknown. But granted, everyone has a comfort zone and sometimes the "unknown" can be too unknown. Scenario: Your mate wants to be choked and slapped during intercourse. You're not exactly comfortable with this; what do you do? Do you indulge just to save face or do you tell them that you're uncomfortable doing it? Everyone has boundaries and if you feel that yours have been compromised say so. Try not to completely crush your mate's hopes; if they cared enough to ask you why not try working your way up to it, you might like it.
3. Be Grateful! If your companion is really giving you rope, try your best not to hang yourself with it. Give your partner the gift of trying some thing that they might like to show your appreciation.

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